The Cookout

[Boss Hog]

For me it was way back in high school.

I was just coming into my sexuality and there was this chick in my 7th Period class that I started crushing on. We would hang out at school and I would stay after to help her with her homework.

We would talk on the phone about different subjects for hours it was cool. I started digging her a lot and I thought I was on the path to a relationship….naaaaah. I told the homie I was going to make her my girl and he said:


“Naaaaaah. She crushing on so and so”



I said “what?!?!! I don’t believe that, we spend so much time together there’s no way.”

I don’t remember the particulars or how I came at her but I remember ending up
In the friend zone with her. I had no idea what it was at the time and so I accepted the consolation prize and it felt like being stuck in the phantom zone.

Then one day at school I was with her and the dude she was crushing on walked by and I saw how she just melted. She would let that nigga smash in a heartbeat and at that point I got a cold hard dose of reality.

This nigga didn’t give two damns about her and she was gushing over him but there I was putting in all this time and effort and I got ZERO.This is when I really started to research simping and learned about the friend zone and I vowed that I would never be in it again.

I ended up cutting her off and I made the adjustments to my game. I made my intentions clear from the get go after that and I never let a woman use me as an emotional tampon.

If you don’t want all of me, you get none of me.

 

[Red Velvet]

Oh here we go with the friends zone sob stories.

 

[SIXDIMENSIONS]

I know somebody might get upset but what is the use of a Man having a Female Friend? I think some folks want some NU NU so bad that they will put themselves in degrading situations. I remeber I knew a girl who was acting funny wit her "snacks". I stopped communication. One day she called me and asked could I help her with changing her flat tire. I asked why she didnt call her boyfriend.Then I told her to kick rocks.

 

[SIXDIMENSIONS]

When I heard the term friend zone I laughed. Friend zone some simp ish. That women propably started.lol

 

[Czharcus]

I think there's always been a part of me that was afraid or didn't think I deserved love so I pretty much have always been in the friend zone. My limiting belief makes me attracted to straight dudes most of the time. Proof, the universe doesn't bring you what you want/don't want but rather what you believe about yourself (as in it brought me guys that were unavailable).

But there was this 1 bisexual guy. He made his "non-intentions" clear to me, but we became friends with benefits and that was the closest thing I'd ever had to a relationship so obviously, I fell for the dude.

In retrospect, I don't feel the relationship was ever lopsided. I did things for him, he did things for me. We were friends, I just wanted to be more and he was respectfully, not trying to go there. Distance broke that up. He's still the goat tho.

meh... It is what it is.

 

[Jay]

I think there's always been a part of me that was afraid or didn't think I deserved love so I pretty much have always been in the friend zone. My limiting belief makes me attracted to straight dudes most of the time. Proof, the universe doesn't bring you what you want/don't want but rather what you believe about yourself (as in it brought me guys that were unavailable).

But there was this 1 bisexual guy. He made his "non-intentions" clear to me, but we became friends with benefits and that was the closest thing I'd ever had to a relationship so obviously, I fell for the dude.

In retrospect, I don't feel the relationship was ever lopsided. I did things for him, he did things for me. We were friends, I just wanted to be more and he was respectfully, not trying to go there. Distance broke that up. He's still the goat tho.

meh... It is what it is.

That doesn’t count though that’s FWB. Has a dude ever put you in a space where you wanted more but he just wanted to be platonic?

 

[Czharcus]

That doesn’t count though that’s FWB. Has a dude ever put you in a space where you wanted more but he just wanted to be platonic?

FWB's don't count? So the friend zone isn't as much about being stuck as friends as it is about being restricted from sex?

That's interesting, I didn't know that.

Now that it's reframed a bit, I do remember a guy I had met with whom we soon after began working up to a relationship for about a week before he cut it off, citing my freshness to the relationship game vs. his readiness to settle down.

He is now married and going through the surrogacy process with his husband (10 years later [?]) So it was definitely for the best.

 

[Jay]

FWB's don't count? So the friend zone isn't as much about being stuck as friends as it is about being restricted from sex?

That's interesting, I didn't know that.

Now that it's reframed a bit, I do remember a guy I had met with whom we soon after began working up to a relationship for about a week before he cut it off, citing my freshness to the relationship game vs. his readiness to settle down.

He is now married and going through the surrogacy process with his husband (10 years later [?]) So it was definitely for the best.

Yeah the friend zone is unrequited love.

If there was ever sex it cannot be considered the friend zone.

So homie curved you because you weren't mature enough.

Has a dude ever kept you in the friend zone that wasn't attracted to you?

Reason I ask is because it's hard to think that the friend zone exists between two men. But it might.

 

[Czharcus]

Yeah the friend zone is unrequited love.

If there was ever sex it cannot be considered the friend zone.

This confuses me because love isn't synonymous with sex. But if I consider the element of being attracted to women, who need to have at least the prospect of love to have sex (generalization), I can see why heterosexual men, who otherwise would not subscribe to this thinking, would also merge the two.

Has a dude ever kept you in the friend zone that wasn't attracted to you?

The overwhelming majority of my crushes, who happened to be heterosexual men. It's a little complex.

As you might imagine, straight men can more easily spot a woman than a gay male could spot another gay male. And when that straight male spots a woman, it's most likely she is straight. Likewise, when a gay male spots another male, he's likely straight. It gets complex because as I said before, the universe was delivering to me unavailable men because of my limiting belief.

I interacted with far less (known) gay males then straight males. Always the token, haha.

Reason I ask is because it's hard to think that the friend zone exists between two men. But it might.

This is interesting because gay or straight, men are men. Sex is just a bodily function like taking a piss. We can completely decouple it from love. I've known of groups of gay male friends who have all had sex with each other, but they're all good friends at the time.

But gay male doesn't mean sex with any male. The group of gay friends that have all had sex with each other all also fall within certain physical parameters, they're all the same "type". As such, it happens that a different type could enter into that group of friends and be "friend zoned" by all the others in the group.


So yes, the friend zone definitely exists in the gay world. I would imagine even more so precisely because men are more laxed regarding sex. I imagine gay men are more likely to friend zone because they have more opportunities for sex. Then again, women "have the pick of the litter" but often just don't want the sex. Hmm, hard to say really.

 

[Victorystatus]

My first time in the friendzone,

I had just entered the military and this slimthick lady with glasses started working in logistics. Had my nose wide the hell open, I'm asking what she's doing for lunch and if she busy on the weekends. She told me she was seeing someone and turned out to be one of the guys that giving out community pipe. I took this as a learning lesson to pay attention to the quality of guys a women usually quarts. She and I are still battlebuddies but after seeing that on display, I feel l survived a heat round. 😆 🤣 😂

B1

 

[BeHart]

I have mainly been in four countries outside of warzones. The US, Germany, Italy, and South Korea. In Germany and South Korea, I had a sex life, especially in Germany. In the US and Italy, nada, and the people there are generally arrogant. So I have learned having a sex life is greatly influenced by where one is in this world. As soon as I'm sure the travel ban and vac mania is over, I might find other countries like Germany. Just playing it by ear and working on improving my finances for now..

 

[HeffDawg]

This confuses me because love isn't synonymous with sex.

Love isn’t synonymous with sex but but it’s also not synonymous with relationship either. The thing that separates friendship from relationship is sex hence why the desire for the man to have sex and her declining = unrequited love.

 

[Czharcus]

Love isn’t synonymous with sex but but it’s also not synonymous with relationship either. The thing that separates friendship from relationship is sex hence why the desire for the man to have sex and her declining = unrequited love.

Would you agree the friend zone is more abstract than the absence of sex? I think it has more to do with attitude and exclusivity.

 

[HeffDawg]

Would you agree the friend zone is more abstract than the absence of sex? I think it has more to do with attitude and exclusivity.

No. It’s not abstract at all.

It refers MAINLY to a situation where a man is romantically interested in a woman but the feelings are not mutual. In our society, women do not approach EVEN IF INTEREST and so men have a short window to express interest or a woman is turned off. Many men fall into the friend zone because they choose to be friendly with a woman to earn her favor and do not make any sexual/romantic advances on her They don’t flirt, touch, etc and months, years, down the line they finally admit their affection to the woman to her surprise and dismay.

She then has to let him down easy so she tells him “I see you as a friend and I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship with romance…just be my friend ok?” and if the dude accepts this arrangement he is in the friend zone. Because he wants a romance and she doesn’t. They have everything else…they hang out, talk on the phone, share things on social, he just doesn’t get to have sex with her. In many cases the dude who is actually having sex with her puts in way less work than the friend zoned guy. Often times if you’re in the friend zone you’re filling in the gaps the guy who she is sleeping with lacks.

 

[Czharcus]

No. It’s not abstract at all.

It refers MAINLY to a situation where a man is romantically interested in a woman but the feelings are not mutual. In our society, women do not approach EVEN IF INTEREST and so men have a short window to express interest or a woman is turned off. Many men fall into the friend zone because they choose to be friendly with a woman to earn her favor and do not make any sexual/romantic advances on her They don’t flirt, touch, etc and months, years, down the line they finally admit their affection to the woman to her surprise and dismay.

She then has to let him down easy so she tells him “I see you as a friend and I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship with romance…just be my friend ok?” and if the dude accepts this arrangement he is in the friend zone. Because he wants a romance and she doesn’t. They have everything else…they hang out, talk on the phone, share things on social, he just doesn’t get to have sex with her. In many cases the dude who is actually having sex with her puts in way less work than the friend zoned guy. Often times if you’re in the friend zone you’re filling in the gaps the guy who she is sleeping with lacks.

In this scenario, the woman couldn't elect to have sex with him without wanting a relationship. Isn't he still in the friend zone?

Maybe the friend zone is not a one to one translation from heterosexual to homosexual as far as what qualifies. Because to add a little more context to my 1st post, we were friends, doing all the things friends do, before things got sexual, then we continued to be just friends to my dismay. We didn't speak to others or each other like we were in a relationship, no discussing future plans together or Valentine's Day gifts, there was no assumption/expectation of monogamy, etc. I would consider that friend zone (unrequited love).

I would not doubt sex is the determining factor in the heterosexual world come to think of it, but on the other side of the fence, sex doesn't necessarily mean anything. Y'all be complaining about how complicated women are, but they be making shit mad simple for you lol (just a joke).

 

[HeffDawg]

In this scenario, the woman couldn't elect to have sex with him without wanting a relationship. Isn't he still in the friend zone?

No, that’s Friends With Benefits.

we were friends, doing all the things friends do, before things got sexual, then we continued to be just friends to my dismay. We didn't speak to others or each other like we were in a relationship,

You would have been in the friend zone if the sex never happened. The second sex happened you were friends with benefits but you wanted to be more and he just wanted to lay up before cutting it off.

Y'all be complaining about how complicated women are, but they be making shit mad simple for you lol (just a joke).

It’s actually very simple if your paper is correct and you know how women operate. If you go off their actions and not their words it’s easy.

 

[Jay]

I know somebody might get upset but what is the use of a Man having a Female Friend? I think some folks want some NU NU so bad that they will put themselves in degrading situations. I remeber I knew a girl who was acting funny wit her "snacks". I stopped communication. One day she called me and asked could I help her with changing her flat tire. I asked why she didnt call her boyfriend.Then I told her to kick rocks.

Yeah I don’t see much value in it unless we really been through something to develop a bond. Like I’ve been through stressful situations where a woman really helped and looked out for me and we forged a friendship through that. Outside of that I don’t have female friends

 

[SIXDIMENSIONS]

Yeah I don’t see much value in it unless we really been through something to develop a bond. Like I’ve been through stressful situations where a woman really helped and looked out for me and we forged a friendship through that. Outside of that I don’t have

Yeah I don’t see much value in it unless we really been through something to develop a bond. Like I’ve been through stressful situations where a woman really helped and looked out for me and we forged a friendship through that. Outside of that I don’t have female friends

I dont either. i just respect the roles. Im not trying to play the role of anything else but the manipulator

 

[Czharcus]

No, that’s Friends With Benefits.


You would have been in the friend zone if the sex never happened. The second sex happened you were friends with benefits but you wanted to be more and he just wanted to lay up before cutting it off.

Okay, I got it.

The friend zoned and FWB can both be unrequited love because neither has the prospect for a future romance, but the friend zoned is without sex.

The thing that separates friendship from relationship is sex hence why the desire for the man to have sex and her declining = unrequited love.

I think the "unrequited love" part of the conversation was tripping me up because friendship plus sex equals FWB and not necessarily a relationship.

The friend zoned and FWB both lack romance but only one lacks sex also.

I believe I'm clear now. I'm reminded of the time I called my light-skinned heterosexual, male friend a yellow bone. At the time, I just could not figure out why he was adamantly denying it.

 

[Jay]

I believe I'm clear now. I'm reminded of the time I called my light-skinned heterosexual, male friend a yellow bone. At the time, I just could not figure out why he was adamantly denying it.

Hell yeah he denied that. You was hitting on that man!

 

[Czharcus]

Hell yeah he denied that. You was hitting on that man!

I literally had no idea

 

[The Honorable]

Okay, I got it.

The friend zoned and FWB can both be unrequited love because neither has the prospect for a future romance, but the friend zoned is without sex.

I think the "unrequited love" part of the conversation was tripping me up because friendship plus sex equals FWB and not necessarily a relationship.

The friend zoned and FWB both lack romance but only one lacks sex also.

I believe I'm clear now. I'm reminded of the time I called my light-skinned heterosexual, male friend a yellow bone. At the time, I just could not figure out why he was adamantly denying it.

You called a grown man a yellow bone?

 

[HeffDawg]

Okay, I got it.

The friend zoned and FWB can both be unrequited love because neither has the prospect for a future romance, but the friend zoned is without sex.

I think the "unrequited love" part of the conversation was tripping me up because friendship plus sex equals FWB and not necessarily a relationship.

The friend zoned and FWB both lack romance but only one lacks sex also.

I believe I'm clear now. I'm reminded of the time I called my light-skinned heterosexual, male friend a yellow bone. At the time, I just could not figure out why he was adamantly denying it.

Nailed it. I love how you internalized it and made it make sense to you. LOL @ you calling a grown nigga a yellow bone. Everytime you said it he was looking at you like:

 

[Czharcus]

You called a grown man a yellow bone?

LOL @ you calling a grown nigga a yellow bone. Everytime you said it he was looking at you like:

I was so confused. I was like, he's light-skinned with a little yellow tent. what the hell This nigga trying to gaslight me or what

 

[HeffDawg]

I have mainly been in four countries outside of warzones. The US, Germany, Italy, and South Korea. In Germany and South Korea, I had a sex life, especially in Germany. In the US and Italy, nada, and the people there are generally arrogant. So I have learned having a sex life is greatly influenced by where one is in this world. As soon as I'm sure the travel ban and vac mania is over, I might find other countries like Germany. Just playing it by ear and working on improving my finances for now..

It’s about friend zone bruh.

 

[sourgrapes]

I figured I would touch on this thread having recently experienced the flip side. I am a nice person. I like to be nice to people no matter man, or woman, whatever religion or skin color. I won't throw myself under a bus but I will be respectful as possible. That being said, someone, I work with took interest in me. He had been having an interest in me for a while now and I had no idea. I was nice to him. I guess I have a flirty nature with jokes and what not but I do this with women too and do not have any sexual desire to be with a woman. I guess word got out he was going to make a move. Needless to say, it did yesterday and I shot him down. I told him he is a nice guy but I have no interest in anything beyond work friends. He was gutted. I never once put it out there that I was interested but he felt I was just because I was being friendly with him. I feel like some men in the world have become so cast out of society that any thread of kindness from a woman is felt to be sexual or intimate and that is sad.