It's a mad house out here lol I just recently got back into the game and it's been... an experience. I've tried the different apps but they're all the same these days. I feel like a new one comes out every day and the same type of people are always on them.
The Cookout
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Anyone else in the dating game?
I used to be but you have to play the game or it will definitely play you. I would say the toughest part about it overall was:
I find there is a clear difference between what you find on apps like BLK and POF vs. something like Hinge.
- Expensive. Having a roster of women gets ridiculously expensive quickly. If dinner in a major metro area is around $90…multiply that by the number of woman on the team.
- Boring. Having the same intro conversations over and over sucks. I would take breaks even though I had a lot of women matching me simply because I couldn’t take the small talk in the beginning
- Flaky. Dating is hard work and if you are not talking to multiple women then you can possibly have issues with low interest women cancelling your plans and leaving you without a fallback.
I find there is a clear difference between what you find on apps like BLK and POF vs. something like Hinge.
I have been married for 27 years and I'm so glad that I do not have to be in the dating game. I couldn't image having to be out there now. God forbid something happens - but if so - I'm flying solo!
You sound like everything that is wrong with men nowadays.
Care to elaborate?
Congrats, that a beautiful thing. There’s nothing like consistency and comfort.
Man, I’m glad I’m married to. It’s only been 7 years for me, but it looks I got out just in time. The dating scene looks terrible out there. It don’t even seem like fun.
You ain’t lying. women my age are looking trash show off their pop belly. I’m bout to go upstairs and kiss my wife for saving me from this bullcrap.
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They out here looking like Larry Holmes, flabby and sick. To the lady’s credit though, dudes ain’t much better either dustiness is in abundance.
I actually see what @Jay is saying. He ain’t offbase at all. I guess from another point of view men as whole aint all that either.You sound like everything that is wrong with men nowadays.
I guess we all have to weed through some stuff to find what we’re looking for.
But for real though. Can you elaborate?
If you’re interested in a woman you should take the time to get to know her and not have her on some type of roster to show off to your homies. How can you genuinely get to know a woman if you are talking to multiple at one time? How can you be serious about a particular woman if you’re having dinner with her one night and dinner with another one the next? Guys are out here talking to 3 or 4 women and having them all think they are in something real and meaningful only to get dropped in the end when the guy picks the one he likes the most.
Oh I get it.… Honestly, I’v never really been big in the dating game like that. I’m an introvert. I’ve never done those things you’re talking about.
We all have a list of turn offs, but it did work out for me. There’s always somebody who’s gonna rise above the filth.
I've tried my share of dating sites, not a big fan of most of them to be honest. I prefer to meet women at the bar or nearby. But dating apps bug me, because no one seems to be looking for an actual relationship. And hey, it's great if you want to meet someone for a "casual" thing, but I'm more looking for a relationship ya know?
idk, I just encounter nothing but bots and fake users at the datings sites I did join. Facebook seems pretty promising for dating these days, but still, it's online dating so eh.
idk, I just encounter nothing but bots and fake users at the datings sites I did join. Facebook seems pretty promising for dating these days, but still, it's online dating so eh.
See this is disingenuous because women are the masters of having a roster which is a concept that we do not understand as younger men. When you text a woman ”let’s get dinner at x date and time” and she responds “I’ll let you know” it’s typically because she is leaving her options open in hopes that someone comes with a better plan. If a guy does, she will flake on you…if one doesn’t, she’ll accept the date. Often times this yes or no doesn’t come until the day of the date leaving men with cancelled plans at the last minute.
That’s why it makes sense as men for us to have a roster too so that we are not tethered to non-commital answers. When you get the “I’ll let you know text” you have two options:
- Refuse non-committal answer and ask that she gives you a time and date she knows she can keep.
- Double book the day and time so that when the day comes that she hits you with the “I can’t go” it does not interfere with your day and if she hits you with the last minute “yes” you say “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear from you so I made other plans,”.
Bruh Man
Senior Sixer
That’s true but there’s a vast amount of men who don’t think like you.
How can you assume that the women is giving you non-committal answers to keep her options open? Don’t you think that’s a bit of assumption? You’re using an assumption of the woman’s behavior to justify you being a player.
I like how you avoided the fact that y’all the queens of maintaining rosters. :D
Got a whole 5 niggas in the phone with the following names:
- Fred Free Lunch
- Chris the Computer Man
- Sam Sugar Daddy
- Eric Emotional Support
- Robert Free Ride
But I’m the bad guy.
E
educatedman23
Guest
I've been single... since forever so I do not have to deal with the games that come along with dating.
Everything is mostly all about money and sex right now. Most of the men and ladies out there don't really have the time to invest in dating and relationship. It's why you see ladies going almost naked on so many social media platforms just to get attention, money and sex.
I'm single for the time being. I was lightweight dating someone but we broke things off. We weren't a good match. I am just focusing on getting my ish in order. Then I will allow myself to find someone. I don't want to end up with someone who isn't right for me cause I started the relationship while I was still figuring things out.
Getting into a relationship and getting a lady that's real with you is something that's very rare now. With the level of failed relationships that I have had so far over cheating is a very clear thing it's a different world to go into right now for me. Making use of dating sites isn't for me because of the high rate of craziness I have been seeing online lately.
This is a 2 way street. There are valid criticisms on both sides. Dating is ROUGH if you are genuine period. But we also have to look at ourselves. I got homies, long time homies who are kinda dusty complaining about 'ain't no women out there'. I mean..bruh...and there are sistas who are either physically not up to par and/or just got a bad attitude. The latter is subjective but the fact is a lot of women aren't feminine because they were raised without any father or father like figures.
I had to take a real hard look at myself as well. I was either choosing the wrong type of women or had to change some things about myself that women weren't feeling. Overall, though, if you are a producer, as a man, it helps a lot obviously. Improve on that with decent clothes, good personality, conversation.
Also, gotta really ask yourself are you dating to find wifey? Dating to find long term companionship hopefully but not necessarily a wife or just tryna smash 9s and 10s. lol.
Then self assess and act/do accordingly. Overall though both men and women have it tough. Until we figure out a space where good men and women and by good I mean what each other is looking for generally, its gonna be tough.
Relatives and friends are a good source. They know you.
I had to take a real hard look at myself as well. I was either choosing the wrong type of women or had to change some things about myself that women weren't feeling. Overall, though, if you are a producer, as a man, it helps a lot obviously. Improve on that with decent clothes, good personality, conversation.
Also, gotta really ask yourself are you dating to find wifey? Dating to find long term companionship hopefully but not necessarily a wife or just tryna smash 9s and 10s. lol.
Then self assess and act/do accordingly. Overall though both men and women have it tough. Until we figure out a space where good men and women and by good I mean what each other is looking for generally, its gonna be tough.
Relatives and friends are a good source. They know you.
haha...don't get it twisted. Sistas still frustrate the eff out of me, but dating has never been easy in any era. Ask old men and women who were dating in the '70s, 60s, even 50s. If they are honest it was tough then. Tough for anyone.
That said, and follow me on this. I think this whole, growing, FBA thing, reparations thing, all that, will morph into changing dating. It will be hard talking about reparations and being foundational if your lifestyle isn't showing it. Tariq is a happiy married man. Jason Black talks about social life like a conservative. Dr. Umar Johnson (his issues aside) also talks about black people only dating each other.
The last time we had this kind of internal movement (late '60s, Black Panthers, Nation of Islam, etc) black society acted conservatively socially. You couldn't have 2 or 3 baby mamas talking about you are a revolutionary. You couldn't be talkinga about swirling. The same will happen in the upcoming months, years as this other movement starts getting bigger.
Good quality sisters even back in the day still found it hard to find a good man. They were smarter. They locked down good brothers early. He may not have been the best looking. He may have not had the best personality but he had a steady job and wanted to settle down. The brothers knew back in the day, they were better off with a good sista. They locked down a quality sista early. These days, sistas are the last to lock down quality guys. A sista is cute, men are on her bumper tough, she always thinks she can still pull like that later. She waits till early 30s and all of a sudden the choices get a bit tough. Asian women lock down producers the earliers. Then white women. Latina wmen lock down good men early. Sistas? Y'all wait too long. That nerdy guy with a good job is gonna go with Becky or the first decent looking sista who gives him attention. I've seen it. I may even have been him. haha
Brothers? We often think just because we aren't in jail, on drugs, either don't have a kid or have 1 we are the catch because statistically we are not in the other categories but we are stagnant, not making a lot. I got a few homies, love 'em to death. The go to the DR (Dominican Republic) a few times a year because 'sisters at the crib be trippin'. They got some personal issues (either financially, maybe bitter from a divorce, etc) that just isn't attractive to decent sistas.
The fact is the present problems between black men and women are a result of decades of targeting the black community and the black family as a whole. It doesn't solve the problem but it explains it. Now that we know what it is, all we can do is be the best damn version of ourselves and I gotta believe the best damn version of the opposite sex will find you. I gotta believe and trust that if you are a good brotha, sistas will see it. It may be at work, or where ever. Same with sistas. If you are on point, and go down a couple sizes if you know you really a bit too big for most men. If you really work on being more feminine, good guys will see that. We both gotta work on ourselves. And hope for the best but we can't make unforced errors (out of shape, bad finances or attitude).
That said, and follow me on this. I think this whole, growing, FBA thing, reparations thing, all that, will morph into changing dating. It will be hard talking about reparations and being foundational if your lifestyle isn't showing it. Tariq is a happiy married man. Jason Black talks about social life like a conservative. Dr. Umar Johnson (his issues aside) also talks about black people only dating each other.
The last time we had this kind of internal movement (late '60s, Black Panthers, Nation of Islam, etc) black society acted conservatively socially. You couldn't have 2 or 3 baby mamas talking about you are a revolutionary. You couldn't be talkinga about swirling. The same will happen in the upcoming months, years as this other movement starts getting bigger.
Good quality sisters even back in the day still found it hard to find a good man. They were smarter. They locked down good brothers early. He may not have been the best looking. He may have not had the best personality but he had a steady job and wanted to settle down. The brothers knew back in the day, they were better off with a good sista. They locked down a quality sista early. These days, sistas are the last to lock down quality guys. A sista is cute, men are on her bumper tough, she always thinks she can still pull like that later. She waits till early 30s and all of a sudden the choices get a bit tough. Asian women lock down producers the earliers. Then white women. Latina wmen lock down good men early. Sistas? Y'all wait too long. That nerdy guy with a good job is gonna go with Becky or the first decent looking sista who gives him attention. I've seen it. I may even have been him. haha
Brothers? We often think just because we aren't in jail, on drugs, either don't have a kid or have 1 we are the catch because statistically we are not in the other categories but we are stagnant, not making a lot. I got a few homies, love 'em to death. The go to the DR (Dominican Republic) a few times a year because 'sisters at the crib be trippin'. They got some personal issues (either financially, maybe bitter from a divorce, etc) that just isn't attractive to decent sistas.
The fact is the present problems between black men and women are a result of decades of targeting the black community and the black family as a whole. It doesn't solve the problem but it explains it. Now that we know what it is, all we can do is be the best damn version of ourselves and I gotta believe the best damn version of the opposite sex will find you. I gotta believe and trust that if you are a good brotha, sistas will see it. It may be at work, or where ever. Same with sistas. If you are on point, and go down a couple sizes if you know you really a bit too big for most men. If you really work on being more feminine, good guys will see that. We both gotta work on ourselves. And hope for the best but we can't make unforced errors (out of shape, bad finances or attitude).
I haven't been in the dating game for about two years, I have made friends with a lot of interesting people but I feel taking it a step further usually ruins beautiful friendships.
I am staying put for another one year and after that I could consider getting back to the dating game.
I am staying put for another one year and after that I could consider getting back to the dating game.